


Fun Erin

by DaddyUncool



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Happy Ending, erin is a mess all the time, holtzy is a bit shy, if u know what i mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 08:11:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14351466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaddyUncool/pseuds/DaddyUncool
Summary: Holtz wants to figure Erin out. Erin wants to prove some things.





	Fun Erin

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. Well. I was 5 years clean of writing fanfic and here I am. This is my first time writing for this fandom, so idk ok. I'm nervous??

You spend your whole life trying to figure yourself out. You’re like a puzzle, and when you’re a kid, you have a million pieces and you don’t give a shit about the puzzle. When you get to your teens, you realise: oh shit, these pieces are supposed to go somewhere. And when you hit your twenties, you start to get an idea of the picture you’re building. Conveniently, Jillian Holtzmann knew what her puzzle was. She was someone who figured stuff out-- talk about lucky. She enjoyed puzzles, riddles, complex unanswered questions, impossible challenges, and pushing the known boundaries of science, people, _everything_.

 

In her thirties, Jillian was someone who had shit figured out.

 

That’s the thing about her. Despite her all-over-the-place aesthetic, Jillian liked to compartmentalize; put things in the right boxes. Figure out the puzzle. She was a scientist, a doctor, a brilliant mind; an overachiever. She was confident, she loved to socialize, she loved to flirt, she loved to make women blush.

 

She owed her scientific success to a creative streak; she was an artist, of sorts. It was that collision of worlds-- science and art-- that had her interested in engineering in the first place. Really, she felt like a _god_ . She had the opportunity to unlock the mysteries of the Universe, while simultaneously using those mysteries to create, with her very own hands. The high she had felt when she had crafted the first successful Proton Pack, _gosh._ And that same night she celebrated her victory with her... _extremely close friend_ following her scientific breakthrough, and well, it certainly didn’t take away from her feeling like a goddess, that’s for sure.

 

Yep. Jillian had it all figured out. She knew who she was. She knew who _everyone_ was, such was her intuition. But-- because there’s always a _but--_ Erin Gilbert.

 

Erin was a closed book, like those little diaries with tiny padlocks and generic keys you get when you’re a kid. Like the one Holtz’s sister had, that one that she unlocked and read one night, spilling out family secrets all over her hands and knees and the carpet. That one that gave her her first taste of destruction. But that’s a whole other story.

 

Erin. Erin the little locked diary, filled with a million secrets. Erin, the lock that Holtz wanted to pick. The devastating secrets she wanted to keep. The mystery she needed to unlock.

 

“Hey,” she cooed flirtatiously as ever, as Erin breezed past her workstation. But Holtz wasn’t stupid. Erin, with all her secrets and tiny locks, had been so damaged from something or other that she wasn’t even able to partake in the workplace banter, flirtatious or not. She had these reservations, always, whether it was a friendly joke, a flirty comment, or a spontaneous moment of dancing. She always held back, always observing, always trying to read between the lines, find the insult; the mean joke at her expense.

 

But, as Holtz knew, most things that were damaged still worked. They often just needed a bit of help to get going again. She knew there was someone big beneath all that social anxiety. She needed to know what Erin was like when she got home, how she dressed, how she cooked, how she slept; how she _existed_ when she was without the fear of rejection.

 

But for someone who was pretty good at figuring all this stuff out, she hadn’t figured out how to unlock the mystery that was Dr. Erin Gilbert. Erin was especially cautious of Holtzmann, perhaps because of her special interest in her. But it never deterred her.

 

Holtz sauntered over, twirling a wrench around her gloved fingers. “And how are you on this fine afternoon, Erin?” she held eye-contact, searching, always. Looking for the clue that would crack the code.

 

“Fine,” Erin said shortly, barely looking up to make eye-contact. “You?” She was all wrapped up tight in her stuffy clothes like a straight jacket. Her neck was red, and Holtz couldn’t see her chest, but she bet it was just as flushed. She knew that meant Erin was stressed.

 

“I’m good, just stretching my legs.” she said breezily, then leaned forward to peer at what Erin was working on. “Do you need help?” she offered, trying to ease the harsh red on her chest.

 

“Do you think I’m incapable?” the physicist snapped immediately, taking Holtz by surprise.

 

“Noooo,” the blonde reasoned with raised eyebrows and raised hands. “I come in peace. How about a coffee, instead?” Holtzmann often ran into stubborn problems in her line of work, but she knew that if you rework your problem enough, eventually, it will give.

 

Erin looked up again, and this time her eyes were brimming with guilt. Her shoulders slumped slightly. “I’m sorry.” she muttered. There was the give, as certain as ever. Holtzmann couldn’t help her lips quirking into a grin.

 

“Come with me.” she decided impulsively. Sometimes words just came out before she could process them, like when you squeeze a bottle of ketchup too hard and it goes all over the place.

 

“What? No, I can’t, I’m too busy.” Erin immediately replied, excuses spilling out faster than her brain could keep up with. It wasn’t true, it was an ingrained reaction, to reject social interactions before they could go wrong. Holtzmann licked her lips, holding back on a response for a moment. She took it all in, asking all the questions, looking for all the answers. Erin was flustered as soon as the question had been asked. Blushing, stressed, her hair sticking slightly to her forehead, but she brushed it away with one crude swipe of her hand. Not like Erin, usually, to use her hands in such a brutish manner. Holtz tried to identify every tiny emotion she could, picking out the details. Stress, panic, nerves, uncertainty. She poured over the blueprint of Erin’s nerves.

 

“Come on, I want you to.” she said easily, and Erin looked up again, frozen almost. She looked like a child, and Holtz’s heart broke a bit, because she could see the younger Erin, who no one believed, who everyone bullied. But Holtz wasn’t going to dwell on that right now. “Come on, Ghost Girl.” she winked, and Erin looked down, a small smile pulling at her lips. It had been the mission of the Ghostbusters to repurpose that slur, and it was working.

 

“I really can’t, I’m so busy…” she said, holding eye contact this time. Holtz only looked back. She wouldn’t push, because she didn't need to. She could see in Erin’s eyes that she wanted to come. She just smirked, never breaking the eye contact, watching Erin’s resolve fall to pieces under her steady gaze.

 

Erin was gorgeous, all the time, but especially like this. She had this small smile, and Holtz could tell she was just emerging from her shell. Holtz knew there was so much beneath this reserved exterior. There must be a million interests, hobbies, discussions she was too afraid to start, questions she felt too embarrassed to ask, experiences she was too nervous to have. She was generally more open and comfortable with Abby, but even then, Holtz could tell that wasn’t the whole story. Erin let herself open up professionally more to Abby than to anyone else, probably because Abby was the first person to believe her about ghosts, and so whenever it came to ghostly business, Abby was the one Erin went to. But there had to be more to Ghost Girl than just ghosts.

 

Erin bit her lip and looked back to her laptop, eyeing her work once more as if she was considering staying, but they both knew the jig was up. “Oh, okay.” she said, her voice laced with guilt, like taking a break was something naughty. “We’ll have to be quick.”

 

“Sure.” Nope. “Let me change.” she threw her words back as she returned to her workspace. She shrugged off her overalls, no longer reserved only for busts, because her work tended to be a bit messier than everyone else’s.

 

Erin watched with a little knot in her brow, worrying her lip between her perfectly cared for teeth. She watched as Holtz buttoned a shirt over her tight tank top that had ridden up her middle, then rolled the sleeves, not a care in the world. Erin thought Holtz must be the most confident woman she had ever seen, completely the opposite of herself. She couldn’t stand to have her body out; she nearly died from embarrassment when she had sex with Phil those few times, so to have it all out at _work_! She huffed out a long breath at the mere thought. It drew Holtz’s attention, though. She looked up, a cheeky grin and a raised eyebrow, wild blonde curls tumbling over a yellow lense.

 

“Like what you see or something, Gilbert?” she flirted. Erin’s cheeks darkened aggressively.

 

“No! I-”

 

“No?” Holtz pouted dramatically, clutching at her heart.

 

“I mean, yes--”

 

“ _Yes!?_ ” she teased her colleague mercilessly. Erin slumped in her chair, overwhelmed and hopeless, but her blonde colleague just laughed easily. “Come on, Gilbert. I’m just playing.” she winked. Erin’s blush didn’t go away.

 

They left for the coffee shop shortly after taking Patty and Abby’s orders. Their usual, as usual.

 

“So,” Erin said, anxious to fill the silence after half a second of hitting the street. Holtzmann hummed in reply, not really focussed on the conversation for a moment. She took a second to enjoy being out of the lab. The air in New York City was stifling, all the time, but she was used to it, and stepping out from the lab felt like a breath of fresh air. Erin’s mind raced. She couldn’t think of anything to say. She had no questions prepared, no topics to discuss. Oh God, why is small-talk so hard?

 

“Do you think we’re friends?” Holtzmann filled the gap instead. To Erin, it was completely unexpected. Her face went blank, confusion masking her features for a second. She thought it over. Holtzmann imagined a giant question mark instead of her face.

 

“What… what makes you ask?” Erin replied eventually.

 

“That’s not an answer.” Holtz looked over, a kind smile on her face to show that she wasn’t being confrontational. She didn’t want to spook Erin, who had the composure of a frightened animal 90% of the time as it was.

 

“Yeah, but…” Erin cleared her throat. “Come on, we’re all friends, really, aren’t we?” Erin was trying to brush it off, and they both knew it.

 

“I’d like to be your friend, y’know.” Holtz said, because she didn’t really think they were friends yet. She left it there, giving Erin time to think it over as they entered the coffee shop.

 

Inside it was buzzing, as always. Baristas dressed all in black whizzed around, making their shitty job look way cooler than it really was. Holtz knew, because she used to be a barista in her college days, and it was shitty.

 

“Hello stranger.” a sultry voice called from behind the bar. Holtz knew immediately, it was the barista with a crush on her. A big smile pulled at her lips and her attention switched to the brunette behind the bar. She pulled her yellow-tinted sunglasses down and tucked them in her shirt pocket, allowing herself to make eye contact. She leaned across the bar, taking up all the space in the world, Erin thought. She was so expressive with her body, all the time. The barista-- Jenny, was her name-- bit her lip.

 

“Usual order?” she asked, and she tried to be so cool and confident, but her voice cracked a little, showing her nerves. Holtz smirked. Who wouldn’t, after all? She felt like the coolest person on the face of the Earth when gorgeous women got flustered around her. Not that it was a _super_ common occurrence, but definitely enough for her to enjoy it.

 

“Yes please, Jenny.” she reached over the counter to give her the cash, no need to hear the cost because she ordered the same four coffees every day. None for Kevin, because he hated coffee. Jenny took the money, holding eye contact, looking like she was about to melt into a puddle at any moment.

 

“Jesus Christ.” Erin muttered from behind them. Oops. Had she said that out loud? She looked up, startled by herself, to the eyes of Jenny, who suddenly looked a lot less lovey-dovey, and a lot more pissed off. She slid her gaze to Holtzmann, who was suppressing a giggle.

 

“What’s your problem?” Holtz teased a few moments later as they moved down the queue to collect their order.

 

“I don’t have one.” she replied shortly, all defensive again.

 

The thing with Erin, Holtzmann thought, was that every time she thought she unlocked a piece of the puzzle, it would get more complicated. Sometimes Holtz didn’t feel so patient with it all, and sometimes it wasn’t all that fun at all. After all, it wasn’t just some hobby she had picked up, it was a person, a co-worker, a _friend_ . Sometimes it was hard to be consistently upbeat around someone as closed off as Erin. And quite frankly, as big-headed as it sounded, Holtz didn’t often struggle to get people to open up to her. She was approachable and inviting and she _hated_ that Erin wouldn’t let down her defenses even a little.

 

Holtz didn’t reply, instead reaching for the tray of four coffees. The young man handed her a small paper bag, too.

 

“Oh, no, that’s not mine.” she tried to hand it back but he insisted.

 

“It’s from Jenny.” he stated as way of explanation, unable to spend more than a second chatting before going back to making a million coffees per second. Behind Holtz’s back, Erin rolled her eyes. She wasn’t even sure why she did it, or why she hated the way Holtz drew attention everywhere she went. The truth, actually, was that Erin had become a little fixated on Holtzmann. Her self-confidence, her flirtatiousness, her body, always exposed somewhere, just a little; always soft, always curvy. She didn’t know why, because Holtz was _so_ not her type. She sighed. She just wanted to go back to her work. She shouldn’t have even come.

 

The tray of coffee was handed over to Erin while Holtz peered inside her bag. It held a cookie, heart-shaped, of _course._ Holtzmann popped it in her mouth, holding it between her teeth temporarily while she took her coffee back from Erin. Before they left, she turned and raised her cup with a wink to Jenny, who was predictably leaning across the bar, waiting to see if Holtz would look back. Jenny’s pretty lips dissolved into a huge, girlish grin, and Erin knew that Holtz had just made her day.

 

They spilled out onto the street, and Erin felt all bristly. But then she caught sight of something.

 

“What is _that_?” she said, irritation rising in her voice rapidly. She was all snippy and pinched. She was looking directly at Holtzmann’s little cardboard cup.

 

“It’s… a black coffee…” she replied, slow to catch on for once. Erin practically _snatched_ the cup. Holtzmann frowned, but she didn’t say anything, staying quiet and awaiting explanation. Erin squinted at the cup, disbelief all over her features.

 

“ _I’m a much better date_.” she read, now very definitely pissed off. She huffed, feeling like she couldn’t ever catch a break. Her cheeks were hot and she felt like her collar was nearly suffocating her. Holtzmann took the cup back, and it all became a little bit clearer. The words, followed by a winky face and a phone number, were written in girly writing on the side of her cup in fresh silver Sharpie ink. But it didn’t explain Erin’s anger.

 

“So?” she frowned.

 

“So she thinks I’m your _date._ ”

 

“...So?” Holtzmann paused. “Are you embarrassed to be my date?” she said, and she phrased it like it was a joke, but that wasn’t what she was really asking, and they both knew it. Erin quickly dismissed it with a wave of her hand anyway. _Obviously_ she wasn’t homophobic, she was bisexual, for crying out loud.

 

“No. It’s not _that_ .” she said impatiently, as if Holtzmann was being ridiculous, which honestly, was a bit of a relief. Holtz would have been really disappointed if she found out Erin was a bit homophobic. Erin continued with some difficulty, not quite able to articulate her feelings. “She thinks I’m your date, but that _she’s_ better. Like, I don’t even have a girlfriend and she’s…” she gestured to Holtz, defeated. “She’s taking my girlfriend.” She knew it didn’t make sense, and when Holtzmann burst out laughing after a moment of complete silence, she couldn’t help but laugh too. She nudged at Holtz’s shoulder with her own, her smile lingering. “Shut up, you know that’s not what I meant to say.” her laughter subsided, but Holtz’s grin didn’t go anywhere. “I just mean, why do I always come across like such a… I don’t know. Someone who _could_ have my girlfriend stolen!” she took a little sip of her green tea, looking so conservative and uptight. Everything about Erin gave off a stiff vibe, like she was the teacher you hated most at school. But it was so far from the truth. She was a _ghost hunter_ for crying out loud. How come no one could ever see that in her?

 

“No one would steal me if I was your girlfriend.” Holtz said, and she wasn’t really lying, but she didn’t really mean anything by it either. As a rule, Holtz didn’t make a habit of going after straight girls, no matter how gorgeous they were, or how incredibly smart, or how capable they were of saving the world. Not that she hadn’t considered breaking this rule, after all, she was only human and Erin was _everything_ that got Holtz going in a girl; all quiet and shy and mysterious and conservative, just crying out to be shown a good time. And on top of that, she was one of the smartest women Holtz had ever met. But it didn’t matter, because she was strict on this, and never, ever chased girls who were categorically not into women. It felt predatory, and that was like a bucket of water over a flame for her. It was lucky, she supposed, because she knew how common it was to have your heart broken by a straight girl. This code had always kept her safe and sound from that particular pain. Her heart only ever got broken by fellow lady-lovers.

 

“That’s not the point.” Erin replied, pulling Holtzmann out of her train of thoughts.

 

“What _is_ the point?” They were at the firestation now, loitering by the doors. Erin looked at Holtz, searching her eyes. She was looking to see if she could trust her, and Holtz, always an open book, passed the test. For now, anyway. She took a breath, embarrassed already.

 

“No one thinks I’m fun.” she admitted in a small voice, the words tumbling out at the speed of light. Holtz felt guilty. She knew, without question, she’d never be anything more than polite to Jenny ever again. She prickled, feeling complicated things, all negative, all for Jenny.

 

“I think you’re fun.” Holtz argued, but she knew it wasn’t the answer, so after a little pause, she sighed. She wasn’t the best at giving advice, but she wasn’t the best at watching people she cared for feel badly about themselves either.  “Maybe you need to loosen up. Be more spontaneous, or something.” Holtz reached forward and flicked the tiny bowtie on Erin’s shirt playfully.

 

Erin nodded slowly, turning the information over in her mind, examining, understanding. Maybe Holtz was right. Erin Gilbert was the most predictable woman in the world. She woke up at 5:45AM every day, showered with the same products she had been buying for 15 years. She styled her hair in the same way every morning at 6:10AM, and wrapped herself up in clothes she thought were appropriate for academia (if a little on the sexy side), even though she didn’t even work in academia anymore! She had the same nutritionally balanced breakfast every day at 6:35AM, the same green tea in order to control her caffeine intake and aid digestion. She always took her vitamins right after breakfast, for optimum nutrient absorption. She always washed her mug right before she left for work, where she always arrived at 7AM on the dot. She had never even tasted a Pop Tart. And she probably looked like she had never tasted a Pop Tart too.

 

It wasn’t just that though, Erin realised as she applied Holtzmann’s comment to her entire life. She went on the same dates with the same people. Phil, who was uptight and dull, but successful and well respected in his field. He was everything she had pictured when she imagined her husband in her twenties, with only one problem: he made her feel like shit. The sex was selfish and boring, and to be honest, a little bit uncomfortable-bordering-on-painful from her inability to stay aroused, but safe little Erin would have put up with it for her whole life, if not for a small voice telling her _this isn’t what you want._ Then there was that woman who was five years Erin’s senior, another successful and well respected academic who drove a Prius and had spoken about nothing other than work over their dinner, from her own research to the funding structure of Columbia. She thought it might be different, dating a woman, and she never had before Samantha, because women hit on her even less than men did. But as it turned out, Samantha had just been another Phil. She didn’t even bother sleeping with Samantha, who didn’t seem put out by it at all.

 

Holtz was right. She never did anything differently. At once, she looked at Holtzmann and remembered thinking that she wasn’t her type. And she wasn’t. She wasn’t dull, she didn’t cover every available inch of skin with tweed. She didn’t adhere to lab safety regulations. She didn’t drive a boring car, she drove a _modified nuclear hearse_. She danced with blowtorches and she listened to cheesy 80’s pop as loud as she could until someone told her off. She was the absolute opposite of everything Erin knew, and everything Erin was.

 

And maybe she needed to try something new.

 

She caught Holtz’s hand, stopping the woman in her tracks for just long enough for Erin to step into her, grabbing her shirt by the collars and kissing her. Her lips were full and soft and inviting, and Erin hadn’t thought it through enough to be expecting anything from the kiss, but if she had, she still wouldn’t have expected it to be this… nice. Holtz, in her absolute state of shock, dropped all the coffee at once. Her hands stayed frozen as if she was still holding the tray. Erin’s cheek was tickled by an unruly curl. Her heart raced. She held onto the kiss for a moment longer, letting her body lean into Holtzmann, before finally pulling away. Her fists were still tight around Holtzmann’s collars. She looked down at their feet where coffee was pooling around their shoes. Then, slowly, she moved her gaze back up to Holtz, who was still frozen in place.

 

“Like that?” Erin said, and her voice was husky and _different,_ and Holtz had never heard Erin like that before, and _God_ , she’d never forget it either. But she was in shock. She stammered, but no words came out. After a moment, she closed her mouth and swallowed hard, scrambling to pull herself together. Her hands were still outstretched like she was holding the tray. She looked down at her tense hands, then managed, finally, to focus her gaze on Erin, who had a look on her that she had never seen before. Erin… was smirking. Her eyes were cloudy and dark.

 

“Aha...ha…” Holtz laughed nervously, but the smile wavered. She tilted her head. “What… just happened?” it was a question, but she didn’t think there was an answer at all. Erin smoothed down Holtz’s collars, neatening them out, and Holtz’s lightning-fast brain imagined her doing that in a million different scenarios. And then, for effect, Erin used her thumb and wiped Holtz’s bottom lip, as if she had left lipstick there, even though she was wearing the faintest nude known to man, and if she had left any, it certainly wouldn’t be visible. But it worked, because Holtz’s knees went weak. She let out a sound Erin hadn’t heard her make before. A little hitch in her chest, a breath caught. Had she caused that? Erin’s brain was suspended in a thick fog.

 

“You can explain about the coffee.” she whispered, before slipping inside the station, leaving Holtz alone in a state of shock, with a mixture of frothy, milky coffee, and watery espresso swirling around her boots.

 

Inside, Erin rushed to the bathroom and as soon as she managed to lock the door, she let her back fall against the door. She was shaking. She had never done anything so bold in her whole life. She had never _sounded_ like that. She was exhilarated. She had been spontaneous, and she couldn’t even believe that she had chosen to do _that_ but she did! And she was proud! Ha, take that _Jenny_ , she thought.

 

And she had drawn that little, tiny gasp from inside Holtzmann. Holtzmann, the cool, calm, collected lady-killer, had gone weak because of Erin’s kiss.

 

After a moment, Holtzmann managed to go inside as well, ignoring the questions about coffee, choosing instead to stalk upstairs to her lab without speaking a word to anyone.

 

“Well that was fuckin’ weird.” she heard Patty announce to Abby downstairs.

 

Erin Gilbert was a diary, with a million tiny locks, and sometimes, Jillian Holtzmann needed to have a go at a puzzle that was a little bit easier. She stepped into her overalls, yanked her shirt off over her head, forgetting the buttons entirely, and tied the beige suit around her waist. She felt hot and flustered and confused. Three things she never usually felt.

 

~

 

By 11:30PM Erin was itchy with stress. She had over-thought her actions until they had soured in her mind. She couldn’t sleep. She writhed in bed, sweaty, uncomfortable, her mind speeding away at a million miles a minute. What had she _done._ She had kissed her lesbian coworker as some kind of _proof_ that she was fun. Why!? Why had that Jenny gotten under her skin so much? Why did she _want_ to feel like she was fun enough to date Holtzmann? She couldn’t _really_ do anything. After all, not only were they colleagues, but Erin was nowhere near Holtz’s league. That, and of course, Holtz had never expressed an interest in her beyond her casual flirting, which she did with everyone.

 

And maybe people had types for a reason.

 

Erin groaned, rubbing her face roughly. Her features were all scrunched up behind her long fingers. She hadn’t spoken to Holtz for the whole day after that stupid kiss, and Holtz had made no effort to speak to her either. That in itself was bizarre, because Holtzmann often sauntered over to Erin’s desk to bother her about all sorts of trivial things. Oh, what had she done?

 

She needed a plan. Tomorrow, she would speak to Holtzmann and apologise, and explain that she knew that she was wrong. That’s what she would do.

 

She took a breath. _Calm down, Erin._ She took another breath. It all started to slow down a bit. She was feeling a bit calmer.

 

Against her will, she thought about that noise Holtz made. That look. Her lips, just a bit pink from the kiss. Erin remembered looking at Holtz’s lips after that kiss, remembered a million hours of biology, and concluded in a millisecond that Holtz’s lips must be ever so slightly more sensitive than the average human’s. She cursed her mind for recalling facts like that when she did not want to know them.

 

She kicked off her blankets. She would never sleep.

 

The next day, Holtz was in the lab before the anyone else, which was unusual, because Erin arrived at 7AM on the dot, 2 hours before the rest of them arrived. When Erin arrived, she noted that if they were ever going to have the conversation she had planned, it was now or never.

 

She neatened her bowtie. This one was dark blue- the colour of trust and sincerity, as well as intelligence, expertise and stability. It was Erin’s favourite colour.

 

“Holtzmann?” The engineer had her back to her. She was wearing her olive green crop top. Erin’s fingers were electric, sparking and sizzling, wanting to touch. The physicist swallowed hard, all of her confidence from the other day gone. Holtz didn’t turn around, only hummed. Erin took it as a bad sign, but truthfully, Holtz was too nervous to even look at Erin. She had been shaken up by it since the moment it had happened. She electrocuted herself twice.

 

This wasn’t who she was. She didn’t fall apart at the flirtations of pretty women. But Erin wasn’t _just_ a pretty woman. Erin was a colleague, a friend she wanted to make, and a mystery she was trying to solve. In all of her detective work, she had never for a second hypothesized that Erin had any interest in women, and Holtz didn’t fancy being on the receiving end of Erin trying to be spontaneous and fun by jumping into bed with a new sexuality. It was too reckless, even for her.

 

Erin sighed. “Holtzmann, I’m sorry. It meant a lot to me, when you said that you wanted to be my friend, and I know what I did yesterday isn’t what a friend would do--”

 

“No, definitely not.” Holtz murmured, bending to look closely at her component. Erin’s eyes fell closed.

 

“I’m… _so_ sorry.” she said, hands gesturing to her heart, then outwards. At this, Holtz finally turned to look at her. She did her absolute best to look cool and in control.

 

“Don’t be.” She just wasn’t good at watching people feel bad about themselves.

 

“But you must be annoyed?” Erin said in the tiniest voice. Holtz looked at her, but it was like trying to read another language. Erin filled the gap for her. “I don’t want you to think I… _used_ you.” Guilt dripped from her words. “I’m not… I’m not like, _experimenting_ with my _sexuality_ or anything.” Erin said, hoping Holtz knew she was being sincere. Holtz tried to smile but it looked a bit sad.

 

“It’s okay. You had a moment of madness, and hey, I know I’m good, but I don’t expect to turn straight women. I’m not _that_ good.” she chuckled wryly.

 

“No, you don’t understand.” Erin stepped forward, trying so hard to straighten out all the creases between them. “I’m not straight. I just… I date people like me.” she gestured full length to her body, encased almost entirely in tweed. Holtzmann froze, looking up to watch Erin as she spoke. She tried to absorb as much of this new information as she could. “You said I should be more impulsive, and I thought you were right. I always do the same thing, and you are…” she swallowed, an open hand gesturing towards the engineer. “You are everything my whole life isn’t, and I wanted to… try you.”

 

It was almost more than Holtzmann could process. Erin wasn’t straight. Erin wanted to try her. Erin wasn’t straight. Holtzmann felt this surge of energy, almost manic. Her code that kept her from getting her heart broken by straight girls took a step aside, giving her heart an invitation to start falling for Erin almost immediately. Fuck.

 

“Well. You can use me anytime, Gilbert.” she said, her signature wink back in action, but there was a nervousness behind it. Now she wasn’t flirting harmlessly with someone who would never return the banter. She was flirting with someone who liked women. Someone who Holtz could like.

 

The ground felt like ice, and Holtz could feel it cracking.

 

“What does that mean?” she wondered aloud.

 

“Exactly what I said.” Holtz, growing shy again, busied herself so Erin wouldn’t see the effect she was having on her. Holtz fiddled mindlessly, with wires that were already fixed into their correct positions.

 

She wondered if Erin had ever been with a woman.

 

“Did you…” Erin _almost_ asked. But no, she wasn’t _that_ brave. She wouldn’t have… _liked_ the kiss anyway. Someone like Holtzmann could get a million girls in a click of her fingers.

 

“Did I…?” Holtzmann encouraged, looking up from her work, unable to resist.

 

She imagined Erin in bed, her hand in a mop of long hair between her legs, encouraging some woman to give her more. Maybe the hair was blonde, even.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Did I what?” Holtzmann pushed. Erin didn’t see how pale her knuckles were from her tight grip.

 

Erin sighed. She needed to change the path of the conversation rapidly.

 

“Was I okay? You’ve got a lot of experience, haven’t you? I mean, not to be rude, but… was I okay?” she tumbled over the words, and this wasn’t much better than where the conversation had been before. Holtz paused for a second. She went back to her work.

 

“Really good.” she said, swallowing immediately after, and Erin caught it.

 

“Really?”

 

“Really.”

 

She couldn’t believe it. Jillian Holtzmann, who caught the attention of women everywhere, thought she was a good kisser. And she didn’t even use tongue!

 

“I mean, I didn’t even use tongue, so it doesn’t really count…” she blabbered, unable to stop the words from spilling out. Holtz put her screwdriver down tensely. The rigid plastic and metal slammed against the worktop a little harder than she meant for it to. It shocked Erin into shutting up.

 

“Do you… are you asking me to rate your tongue kissing techniques now too?” Holtzmann’s jaw was tight, and all of a sudden, Erin realised.

 

“Oh my God.” she whispered, a huge grin breaking out on her face. Holtz was grouchy from her frustration. “You… _like-_ liked it. I was _good_!” she smirked proudly. Holtz rolled her eyes. “I…” she lowered her voice to a whisper. “ _I_ _turned you on, didn’t I?_ ” Holtz ignored her, but Erin knew, and God, it felt good.

 

She felt like the coolest person in the world.

 

She left without another word, on a high for the rest of the day. Every time Holtz ventured down for coffee, Erin would beam and tease her flirtatiously, and Holtz rolled her eyes each time. She was right though. That kiss had turned her on. In fact, it had turned her on so much that on the evening of the offending kiss she had spent a moment before leaving the lab with her thumb hovering over the number of her friend-with-benefits. In the end though she locked her phone and pocketed it with a frustrated huff. Frustrated because her friend no longer tempted her, because she was confused, because she was afraid, because she was extremely turned on. Just frustrated because _everything._

 

Later on in the afternoon, Erin ventured upstairs to Holtz’s lab. People rarely bothered her in the lab. She never understood why. If they were afraid of the risk of explosion, being one floor below was not going to help them much. Holtzmann didn’t do small explosions.

 

“Hey.” she crooned. “Want coffee?” Erin drawled, leaning over Holtz’s desk.

 

And here’s the thing. Holtzmann wanted to figure Erin out, and here she was, with more pieces to the puzzle, and questions being answered. But at the expense of her own sanity. How was she supposed to work when Erin was flitting around with this brand new sparkly grin that she never showed usually, and it was only plastered on her giddy face because she had managed to turn Holtz on. And not just that, but she liked girls too! What was she even supposed to _do_ with that information?

 

“Um. Yeah. Usual for a change.” she said, only half making the same joke they always made.

 

“Come with me.” Erin said, her voice suddenly a bit lower. Holtz’s grip tightened on her wrench, and Erin noticed. She felt dizzy with excitement.

 

“I can’t.”

 

“You can.” she paused dramatically. “You should try being more spontaneous.”

 

Holtzmann abruptly stopped her work and closed her eyes, taking a deep, steadying breath.

 

“...Okay.” she said eventually.

 

This time, the walk wasn’t filled with an uncomfortable silence. Erin was just excited to get to their usual coffee spot, for one reason only: to see Jenny. And when they got there, Jenny, bless her, perked up as soon as Holtzmann walked through the door.

 

“Usual?” she grinned. Holtz nodded. She wrote on the cups and passed them down, and as soon as she had done that part, she leaned across the counter. “So, how was the cookie?” Erin watched their interaction carefully. To her absolute delight, Holtz just shrugged.

 

“It was fine, thanks.”

 

Jenny’s smile slipped off her face.

 

Holtz gave her a note and didn’t wait for change. Jenny’s jaw clenched. Erin couldn’t help herself.

 

“Guess I showed her that I’m more fun.” she murmured, pride and something else coating the sentence.

 

Holtzmann, ahead of Erin, heard. Her heart fluttered at the possessiveness in Erin’s statement, and more so at the confidence spilling from her tightly locked up friend. What was she implying? Holtz felt like Erin was leading Jenny to believe that she had rocked her world with more than just a kiss.

 

“No note on your cup today?” Erin pushed as they spilled out onto the street again. Holtz stayed quiet.

 

“Not today.” she didn’t let on that she had heard anything. Erin smiled beside her.

 

As they approached the firestation, Holtzmann’s heart started to race unexpectedly. It was like her body knew, it remembered, it was getting ready.

 

“So…” Erin drawled as they reached the doors.

 

“Best get them in while they’re still hot.” Holtz stuttered, unable to even look her in the eyes. She shouldered her way inside, not giving Erin another chance to get her all flustered.

 

Inside she took a deep breath.

 

“Are you okay?” Patty looked at her like she definitely wasn’t okay. “You’re all sweaty.”  Holtzmann grunted and put the tray of cups on her desk.

 

“Going upstairs.”

 

“You forgot your coffee…” she called, but Holtz was gone.

 

She couldn’t figure out what was going on. Where had this Erin come from, and why was she getting Holtz _so_ flustered?

 

Footsteps followed her. Oh god. She swallowed hard, turning to see Erin standing there. Her eyes were dark and mischievous. Holtz felt small behind her yellow goggles. Something stopped her from distracting herself this time.

 

“ _Would you_ rate my tongue kissing? If I asked?” Erin said bravely. Holtz could have died.

 

“Let me ask you something.” she replied, and she disguised it as regaining the upper hand but part of her needed to know. She licked her lips, using the time to steady herself. “Are you asking because you want to know if you’re good, or because you like making me feel like _this_ , or because you like how it made _you_ feel?”

 

Erin, stubbornly holding onto the control, took a step forward. “Let me ask you.” she continued to walk forwards, and despite herself, Holtzmann took a step back. Erin smirked. She had won the upper hand, and who knew Erin would be the kind of girl— _woman_ to want the upper hand.

 

She continued to move forward until Holtzmann was against her desk, and Erin was as close as she could be. She was taller than Holtz, especially so because Holtz was leaning on the desk, gripping the edges in her gloved fingers. “Would any of those answers stop you from doing it?” she challenged. Holtz swallowed. Her curls fell over her glasses in that way that made Erin’s heart thump in her chest, and if the moment had been any less electric, she might have tenderly brushed them out of her eyes, in a way she had imagined in fleeting moments while watching her work away.

 

“No.” Holtzmann eventually whispered. Her heart was racing, her nerves were through the roof, out of control, _fried._

 

And then, Erin took those curls in her hand and kissed her deeply. Holtz leaned into the kiss this time, anticipating it. She kissed back, but Erin took the lead, deepening the kiss, and Holtz, hardly in control of herself anymore, let out the smallest groan into the kiss. Erin loved the feel of Holtzmann’s wild curls. As she ran her fingers through the poof of blonde, locks fell from her signature style, giving her a glimpse of the woman beneath the carefully curated image.

 

Erin let her tongue meet Holtzmann’s and her stomach flipped. The intimacy of it shocked her, and all at once she realised what she was doing. This was her friend. Her coworker. Oh god, she was tongue kissing her coworker, who was groaning into her mouth, weak at the knees for her. She felt dizzy with excitement. Erin, with renewed excitement, grabbed Holtzmann’s waist, pulling her closer and feeling her hips grind into her.

 

“Oh, fuck.” Holtzmann whispered as the kiss was broken. She looked dishevelled, and it made Erin realise how much effort went into her mad scientist aesthetic. She took it all in.

 

“To answer your question, I love how it makes me feel. I love making you feel like this…” she dragged her gaze up Holtzmann’s body, leaving her feeling exposed and needy. God, she needed more than her gaze on her. “And I love leaving you looking like this.” she whispered at last. Their eyes met, and Holtzmann bit back a whimper.

 

No one in the world had ever made Holtzmann feel so out of control, so extremely ravenous, so _fucking hot._

 

That night, Holtzmann didn’t stay at the lab until the early morning like she usually did. She stopped on her way to the door.

 

“Hey. You wanna grab a drink?” she mumbled as discreetly as she could, like it was a drug deal. Abby looked up, ready to say no, but she saw that something was troubling her blonde friend.

 

“Yeah. You okay?” she said, doubtful that anything could have convinced her anyway. Holtz nodded stiffly.

 

“Yeah, I just…” she cleared her throat and looked furtively around the room before ducking closer to Abby. “I kinda have this problem.”

 

“I’m not looking at anything.” Abby deadpanned.

 

“Not _that_ kind of problem.” she gave her a pointed look.

 

“Okay…” Abby waited for her to elaborate. Frustrated, Holtz gave her another look.

 

“ _Girl_ problems.” she hissed, and Abby— _fucking Abby,_ almost immediately started laughing.

 

“No way. You? _You?_ ” she bellowed. Holtzmann looked around frantically.

 

“Shut the f-”

 

“What’s so funny?” Erin arrived, also on her way out. She looked different. Taller. There was this air of confidence about her that made Holtzmann weak at the knees. She suddenly felt jealous of that Phil guy, which is something she never thought she’d feel.

 

“We’re going out for a drink. You wanna come?” Abby invited Erin, and Holtzmann wanted to die.

 

“What’s the occasion?”

 

“Holtz has a girl problem.”

 

“Oh my god.” she muttered, looking to the ceiling. How was this happening? How had this become her life? Two days ago she was plodding along just fine, and all of a sudden, this was her life.

 

Erin’s eyes lit up.

 

“Oh, _do_ you?”

 

“Hey Patty! Come and get a load of this.” Abby yelled across the firestation, and amidst the chaos, Erin locked eyes with Holtz, with this look about her. Erin, her perpetually insecure colleague, hadn’t even considered that she might not be the girl in question. She hadn’t even considered that Holtz maybe meant it in a negative way. And those assumptions were both correct, but it was still unusual for Erin to not doubt herself. So what had happened? Was Holtz so overtly falling apart around Erin that Erin had all the proof she needed?

 

Holtz couldn’t break the eye contact, even as Patty and Abby made jokes at her expense loudly around her. The sounds were foggy and distant. Holtz’s heart was climbing the walls of her ribcage. She hadn’t felt like this in a long time, not since she was in her twenties and her mentor looked at her like she wanted to eat her alive.

 

Did Erin want to eat her alive?

 

Girls never looked at Holtz like that. They looked at Holtz like she would rock their world, like they wanted to be eaten alive _by_ Holtz. She was the wolf, with her big bad grin, and her big bad tongue. That’s who she was. That’s how things went. But all of a sudden, she was Red Riding Hood. She was a little piggy and Erin was blowing her house down faster than she could put it back up. And if she was honest, she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

 

Maybe she wanted to invite the wolf inside after all.

 

At the bar, they all slid into a booth. Erin slid right next to Holtz. She had treated them all to an additional round of tequila, and Holtz felt like she needed it.

 

“So, tell us about the girl.” Abby prompted in a strained voice after they all slammed their sticky glasses back to the table. Holtz tried to resist, mumbling that it wasn’t a big deal anyway, but the group pushed. “Just tell us a bit about her, at least. You made us come out, for crying out loud.” Abby groused. It wasn’t entirely true, but she was hardly going to argue that she didn’t want Erin to be here.

 

“Yeah, come on, Holtz. Tell us about her.” Erin taunted. Holtz looked down into her beer, cradled by her gloved hands. She took a deep breath. She thought about inviting the wolf in. Maybe seeing where it goes.

 

“She’s smart.” she started, quietly. Erin’s heart leapt from her chest, right out onto the table, where it sat cross-legged, watching Holtz intently. She didn’t know what she thought would happen when she started talking, but the last thing she expected was Holtz to compliment her. And Erin knew she was smart, of course. But people never said so. They always said “You’re smart, _but_.” Or they said “Come on Erin, you’re a smart girl.” making her feel small and stupid.

 

Erin’s took a sip of her beer.

 

“That’s good, that’s nice.” Patty encouraged, making circular motions with her hands, like pistons in a train, encouraging her to keep it moving forward. Holtz took another steadying breath and sat a little taller.

 

“She’s kickass-cool, as well. She’s like a... a superhero, or something.” Holtz looked up to make sure no one had caught on, and they hadn’t. Erin, though, was worrying her lip between her teeth. Holtz continued. “She’s all the good stuff, y’know, she’s funny, she’s cute, she’s…” the engineer stumbled over her words a bit, nerves tripping her up. “She’s beautiful.” she tried to move on fast, as if it wasn’t a significant thing. “She’s a really good person.” And lastly, in a moment of bravery, she added “She’s fun. Spontaneous, sometimes.”

 

If a heart could blush, Erin’s would have been, but instead it was thumping around, heaving inside her chest.

 

She tried to recall if anyone had ever spoken so fondly of her before, but couldn’t. She knew that she had been playing a dangerous game, but it had been just that; a game, some fun. Making out with someone who was so far out of her league, completely not her type, a serial flirt. It was just some harmless fun, making someone so cocky get all wobbly around her. An ego boost.

 

She had never considered that what Holtz portrayed was just the tip of the iceberg. She never even considered it going any further. And this, she knew, was the trouble with being spontaneous. Acting on her impulses meant she couldn’t plan ahead, and that meant she couldn’t consider every perspective and every option before making a commitment to one course of action.

 

“Wow.” Patty said.

 

“Wow.” Abby echoed.

 

“Yup.” Holtz lifted her hands in a shrug.

 

“I don’t get it.” Patty dropped them all back to reality like a piano on the sidewalk. “If she’s so great, what’s the problem?” And Erin, of course, knew what the problem was. Erin knew all of her problems, and all of the reasons people didn’t want to like her. But it didn’t stop her from wanting to hear what Holtzmann had to say about it. After all, her heart was still bouncing like an excited child waiting to hear the end of a story.

 

Holtzmann cleared her throat. She could feel a blush creeping up her neck to her cheeks.

 

“I don’t know what she wants from me.” she mumbled, shy. Everyone sat back in silence.

 

“You don’t know if she likes you?” It was unheard of, frankly.

 

“I don’t-” Holtz was getting _so_ uncomfortable. She couldn’t even look up at Erin. “I don’t know you guys.” she said like she was being interrogated. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” she said, so she didn’t have to look at Erin, or ask her to move, or anything. Erin did move, but as soon as she sat back down, she wanted to follow her.

 

“What the fuck was that.” Patty said slowly, a giggle rising in her voice. Abby followed suit.

 

“Is she like, in love or something?!” she laughed her big, big laugh. Abby turned her eyes to Erin. “Like, have you _ever_ seen her like that?” she jerked her thumb to where Holtz was disappearing behind the bathroom door.

 

“Of course she’s not in love!” Erin yelped. “I’m gonna go check on her.” But it was a lie, because she wasn’t checking on anything.

 

She pushed through the door where she saw Holtz leaning against the counter, looking at herself in the mirror intently, right in the eyes. She was frowning and worried, and Erin was going to give her a whole lot more to worry about.

 

Holtz looked exhausted the second she saw that it was Erin who had walked in.

 

“Did you mean that?”

 

“Erin…”

 

But Erin didn’t need an answer, because she knew she did. Because Holtzmann wasn’t a Phil or a Samantha. She launched herself at Holtz, pushing her back against the counter. But this time, Erin wasn’t holding onto the control at all. She wrapped her arms around Holtzmann’s neck and kissed her passionately. She let her body sink into the one in front of her. She wasn’t taking anything, this time she was giving a piece of herself, a piece she had never let out before let alone trusted anyone else with.

 

Holtzmann didn’t hesitate. She took Erin by the waist and kissed her back with just as much passion, taking everything Erin had to give her.

 

“Come home with me.” Erin whispered between kisses, and Holtzmann swallowed hard.

 

“Erin, are you… like have you… thought this through?” Holtz looked concerned, and Erin never saw her look concerned. She drove a hearse with ghosts on it, she played with nuclear energy for fun, she was reckless in everything she did.

 

“Stop.” Erin said, no patience left inside her. “I’m asking you back to my place.” she said, and what she meant was _this isn’t a debate about whether I know the consequences._ Erin had been doubted her whole life. Every interaction she ever had had subconsciously taught her to second guess herself, and she wasn’t going to do it anymore. She knew what she wanted, and she was going to take it, if she could.

 

Holtz evaluated. Erin’s eyes were dark, clouded with hunger. And Holtz felt like Little Red Riding Hood all over again, wondering what the big bad wolf’s mouth could do. She swallowed hard.

 

“Let’s go.”

 

Erin made excuses smoothly.

 

“Holtz isn’t feeling too good. I’m gonna take her home.” she said coolly, and she knew the other two didn’t buy it, but she also knew they didn’t suspect that Erin was taking her home to sleep with her, so frankly, she didn’t care what they thought.

 

They took a cab, and Erin didn’t feel the need to fill the silence. She put her hand on Holtzmann’s thigh, her fingers sitting just inside, just enough to make Holtz tense. Holtz looked out of the window, trying to remember how to make small talk. If only she knew how Erin had felt on the way to the coffee shop a few days earlier, she would have chuckled at the irony.

 

They arrived at Erin’s apartment. It wasn’t the first time Holtz had been there, but for the first time ever, she saw something out of place. Erin hadn’t washed up her mug before leaving for work. Holtz blinked, trying to make sense of the puzzle that she had fallen into. She wandered into the kitchen, picking up the mug like a detective at a crime scene. If she had a pen on her she might have picked it up with that.

 

She had no time to figure it all out, though, because a few minutes later, Erin called her name. Holtz turned around, and the sight nearly knocked her out.

 

Erin Gilbert.

 

Erin Gilbert, in just her underwear.

 

Holtzmann stammered, trying to remember any words at all. She had spent hours of her life in English classes, and she had read hundreds, maybe thousands of books, but for the life of her, she couldn’t remember a single word.

 

Erin bit her lip. She had never done anything like this before, but she could tell that Holtz liked it. Holtz was a mess of involuntary reactions, and Erin was an observer by nature. She saw her pupils dilate. She saw her tongue snake out to wet her lips. She saw how she swallowed, and she knew from the last few days, that swallowing was Holtz’s tell.

 

Holtz had to take a moment to steady herself before she let herself really drink it all in. She dragged her eyes over Erin’s body; her long legs, her hips, curving into her waist. Her breasts, the smooth expanse of her chest and her delicate clavicle, her throat.

 

“Wow.” Holtz whispered and she could hear that she sounded breathless. Erin only raised an eyebrow and silently moved to her bedroom. A wordless invitation. Holtzmann kicked off her shoes, pulled her leather gloves off and shoved them in her pocket, and shrugged off her jacket, leaving her in just her dungarees and crop top. Before following Erin into the bedroom, she looked around for somewhere to hang her coat, because despite whatever had gotten into Erin, she knew she didn’t like clutter. A deep breath, and she made her way to the bedroom.

 

She hovered by the doorframe, so many reservations, so many concerns.

 

“If you don’t want this…” Erin gave her an out. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, waiting. Her long legs were crossed and Holtz wanted to slide her open hand along the length of them. She wanted to be on her knees between them. She worried for a second longer, but it was a useless battle.

 

“I do want this.” she said, unable to resist for a second longer. Erin was putting herself out on a silver fucking platter for her, and she wasn’t going to say no. Erin stood, taller than Holtz now she didn’t have her boots on.

 

“What you said in the bar…” she whispered, but she interrupted herself by pressing a searing kiss to Holtzmann’s neck. Blue eyes fell closed. Her lips, featherlight, slid to her jaw. “You weren’t just turned on by me.” it was a statement, but Holtz was going to reply.

 

“No. Not…” she swallowed again, heat rolling over her body as Erin barely grazed her teeth across a sensitive part of her neck. “Not _just_ turned on.” Holtz was going to lose it.

 

She grabbed Erin by her waist and flipped their positions. She pushed her against the wall, eliciting a gasp from the physicist that went straight to her core. Holtz slid her fingers into Erin’s silky hair and pulled her into a scorching kiss, with more hunger and fire than Erin had ever felt in her entire life. At once, Erin wanted more.

 

“I am so much more than just turned on by you.” Holtz confessed, all dark eyes and swollen lips. No one had ever looked at Erin with such uncontained lust, and god, she was so wet.

 

“Tell me.” she whispered, more exposed than ever, and Holtzmann wasn’t going to say no to anything Erin asked for.

 

She kissed her way down Erin’s chest, hands exploring hot skin.

 

“I am inspired by you.” she growled against the curve of Erin’s breast. “You make me want to create more, push harder. You make me a better scientist.” her hand had slid to the side of Erin’s breast, teasing her own hands with what they wanted so much. Her other hand slid beneath the fabric of Erin’s lacy underwear at her hip. Erin was burning up. A small whimper escaped her lips against her will, encouraging Holtzmann. “You make me so nervous, Erin.” she whispered between hot kisses that continued over her bra, and Erin could feel her wet, open mouthed kisses over her nipple, teasing her beyond belief. She let her fingers weave into blonde curls, gasping, already breathless.

 

Holtzmann’s hands crept to the back of her bra, undoing it with impressive ease. She always was good with her hands, Erin thought, and wondered what that meant for her.

 

The bra fell to the floor and Holtz stopped to take her in.

 

“You’re so fucking sexy.” she said, her voice all thick and low. Erin hadn’t ever been called sexy before, but Holtz sure was making up for it.

 

And Erin wasn’t going to let this just _happen_ to her. She wanted to get her hands dirty too. She caught Holtzmann in another passionate kiss, and at the same time she slipped the straps of Holtz’s loose dungarees over her shoulders, leaving them to hang at her hips. Possessive was never a word Erin would have used to describe herself until she felt her hands impatiently grabbing at Holtzmann’s hips, pulling her close as their kiss grew frantic.

 

“Take this off.” she demanded and her words were like water hitting a frying pan. She tore the top off and threw it aside, barely taking a second to look at Holtz’s body. “All of it.” she growled, fumbling to undo the black bra she had on too.

 

Holtz didn’t know what she expected it to be like with Erin, but it wasn’t this. She could see two sides of the woman battling inside; the part of her that wanted to be ravished and worshipped, like no one ever had before; and the part of her that wanted to tear Holtz apart, and take everything for herself. Holtz liked both sides.

 

So there they were. Both nearly naked, breasts pressed together as they kissed feverishly. Erin pushed Holtzmann to the bed, where she straddled her hips and dropped her lips to exposed breasts. She took a hard nipple between her lips like Holtzmann’s body belonged to her; she sucked and teased; things she hadn’t ever done to another human being; things she had only imagined being done to herself. Holtz arched from the bed, letting out a moan that made Erin dizzy. She pushed her back down to the mattress, establishing her dominance, and Holtz could have _died._

 

This was every wet dream coming to life. Stuffy uptight quiet nerd girl who is a complete sex goddess behind closed doors. She had died and gone to heaven.

 

“Have you-” Holtz gasped, interrupting herself, when Erin switched to her other nipple, grazing her teeth over it.  “Have you done this before?”

 

Erin smiled around her hard nipple and Holtz let her head fall back. Holy fuck.

 

“Do you think I’ve done this before?” her free hand wandered down, over soft, smooth stomach, below the denim still pooled at her hips. She let one finger glide along her centre, lightly, over her underwear. Holtz didn’t answer.

 

“Erin.” she said, and in that tiny four letter word she said a million things, but mostly, she was begging for more. Erin loved it. She slid the folds of denim off completely and without hesitation, she pressed these burning kisses along the insides of her thighs, towards where she really wanted to be. “Fuck. Just…” she arched her hips off the bed, begging for more. Erin firmly pushed them back down again. “Oh my _God._ ” Holtz growled.

 

“If you want it…” she pressed a slow, hot, open mouthed kiss to Holtz’s centre, but the sensation was muted by the damp black fabric between them. “You should tell me.” she whispered.

 

“I want it, Erin.” Holtz replied immediately. “I want _you._ ” Erin’s lips pulled into a smile, she couldn’t help it. As promised, she let her long fingers slid into the waistband of her underwear, and she dragged it over Holtz’s hips, down her legs, and threw them to the side.

 

Holtz wasn’t one to feel shy in the bedroom, but she also wasn’t usually the one who was a writhing mess, waiting to be spread out and taken. She blushed hard when Erin pushed her knees apart, revealing slick, swollen desire.

 

Erin, for the record, hadn’t ever slept with a woman. But she wasn’t stupid. She had read plenty of fiction, even watched some light porn. She wasn’t a stranger to her own anatomy either. But _nothing_ could have prepared her for the sight of her colleague, panting, _wanting,_ sweaty and desperate, all for her. It was the single most erotic sight Erin had ever witnessed.

 

Holtz bit her lip, feeling more exposed than ever.

 

“Talk to me.” Erin instructed as she pulled Holtz to the edge of the bed by her thighs. She dropped to her knees on the floor. “I want you to enjoy this.” with that, she dipped her head and swiped her tongue along Holtzmann’s length. The breathy sound that followed was encouragement enough. She did it again, firmer, letting the flat of her tongue slide from her entrance, up to her clit, where she flicked her tongue this time. That earned her a groan and she could hear how Holtz’s fingers balled the sheets into her fists. Curious, she swirled her tongue around the sensitive bundle of nerves, and when Holtz arched upwards, Erin pulled her closer by her hips, wrapping her lips around her clit and attacking with a firm, patient rhythm. At this, Holtzmann started getting vocal, fast.

 

“O-Oh, fu-- Erin, wow.” she stammered. Now she knew what the wolf’s big bad mouth was good for. She tangled her fingers in Erin’s hair and couldn’t stop herself from grinding her hips into the sensations.

 

“Do you like this?” Erin murmured, her voice dripping with seduction as she teased Holtz’s entrance with a finger, waiting for consent.

 

“Yes. Yes. Yes.” Holtz blabbered, desperate for everything she could get. Her muscles were tense in her abs, and her milky skin glistened from the work out as she chased her orgasm, not quite close yet. Erin grinned and slid one finger inside with ease, relishing the tight heat. She curled her finger, beginning to fuck her slowly and gently, but Holtz was at a different pace, grinding her hips frantically. Erin could take a hint.

 

She steadied her partner’s hips, lifted a leg over her shoulder, and then pushed two fingers inside.

 

“Oh, _God,_ ” she cried, back bowing upwards, hips crashing to meet her fingers. They fell into a steady rhythm, and Erin continued to relentlessly pleasure her clit, rolling her tongue over the swollen bud, pulling it between her lips and sucking wetly.

 

Holtz came loudly, orgasm crashing over her like the walls of her house falling down. Erin guided her through, fingers slowing but still curling devilishly, gently stimulating that one spot as she rode it out.

 

As she collapsed back to the mattress, sweaty and spent, Erin crawled up beside her.

 

“How was that?” she murmured, pressing soft kisses to Holtzmann’s damp shoulder. Her hair had come loose. She looked beautiful Erin thought as she toyed with a long, blonde curl. She never realised how long her hair was.

 

Holtzmann could hardly speak. No one. _No one_ had ever fucked her like that.

“I think I really, really like you.” she said, filter temporarily malfunctioning in her post-orgasm haze.

 

“Do you?” Erin had a cheeky smile on her lips. She pushed herself onto her elbow, looking over her naked colleague. Holtz looked back at her, realising what she was confessing. But instead of defending herself, or even continuing her line of thought, she threw her arm around Erin and pulled her on top of her, kissing her deeply.

 

“How do you feel about being on top?” Holtz whispered against her lips between lazy, slow kisses. Erin pulled back enough to look Holtz in her eyes.

 

“You like that?” she wasn’t even sure why she asked. Maybe she just felt a bit shy. Holtz leaned forward to press a soft kiss to Erin’s lips. She could still taste herself, and it was _Erin. Erin Gilbert_ who had brought her to such a life-changing orgasm. She gently slid her fingertips down Erin’s spine, relishing the curves of her body, until she reached her ass, where she allowed her open palms to drink her in.

 

“Yes. But I’m gonna like it no matter how you want it.” she replied, her cocky attitude sliding back into place now she wasn’t falling apart beneath Erin’s fingers and tongue.

 

“In that case…” Erin doubted herself for a second, but, well, she hadn’t ever had sex like this before. If anyone was going to be able to give it to her how she had always wanted it, it was probably going to be Holtzmann. She bit her lip, before deciding to be brave. Dipping her head to Holtz’s ear, she tucked a curl of long, blonde hair aside and whispered exactly how she wanted it.

 

Holtz swallowed hard, and Erin smirked to herself.

 

“You got it.” she said hoarsely, before flipping them over. Erin arched her hips up and back, helping Holtzmann slide her underwear off, where she discarded it without a second thought. She was naked, on her knees, cheek against the mattress and her hands around the slats of the headboard. Holtzmann groaned, letting her hands greedily slide over Erin’s ass. She dipped her head and teasingly grazed her teeth against her ass “I had no idea you were so dirty, Dr. Gilbert.” she growled, leaving Erin trembling with anticipation.

 

“I never have been before.” she admitted. “But I’ve always fantasized about this.” she finished her confession in a whisper. Her knuckles were white as she gripped onto the bed, waiting, wanting. Holtz let her fingers glide through slick folds and Erin moaned breathlessly. She pushed her ass back, silently begging for more. Holtz groaned behind her, and when Erin opened her eyes to see why, she locked eyes with her blonde colleague, a cocky twinkle in her dark eyes, and slick digits in her mouth. “Oh,” she whimpered. She didn’t think anyone had actually tasted her before.

 

Holtz let her fingers tease Erin’s clit for a moment before she really built a rhythm, two fingers making firm but slow circles. Erin was in _heaven._ Literally no one had played with her like this, or like anything. It was always so businesslike, and god, is this what she had been missing out on all her life? Just when she thought she couldn’t like it any more, Holtz slid two fingers inside her. She was more than ready, and as soon as they entered her she moaned loudly, walls clenching around the digits as they curled to stroke her g spot.

 

“ _Holtzmann._ ” she groaned, all of her lust and desire just spilling from her lips in this one wanton sound. She could hardly believe she was here, in this position, in this bed, with her coworker fucking her from behind, manipulating her clit and massaging her g spot to elicit these animal sounds from between her lips.

 

“Yeah, baby?” she crooned, thrusting her hips in time with her fingers. _Oh god._

 

“Baby?” she teased, although breathless. Holtz curled her fingers firmly, shutting Erin up.

 

“Don’t you like when I call you baby?” she challenged, fucking her deeper, harder. This might be the first time she had ever fucked Erin, but she had spent months putting pieces of the puzzle together, and she could make a pretty good guess about what Erin liked.

 

She wasn’t wrong. Erin met her thrusts, fucking herself desperately on Holtz’s fingers.

 

“I love it.” she confessed quickly, hardly interested in that line of conversation any longer. “More. More fingers.” she begged. Her back was shiny with sweat, and if Holtz’s hands hadn’t both been occupied, she would have filled them with the gorgeous body writhing and thrusting in front of her.

 

She carefully entered Erin with three fingers, but Erin was having none of it.

 

“ _Harder._ ” she growled, and Holtz did as she was told, but it wasn’t enough. In a flash, had pushed Holtzmann to the mattress and straddled her waist. “ _Fuck me._ ” she demanded, and Holtzmann, speechless, wrapped an arm around her waist and guided her down onto three fingers. The position must have worked, because Erin’s head fell back and a low groan escaped her throat. Holtzmann, falling faster by the second, leaned forward to kiss her way up the delicate column of her throat as she tried to keep up with Erin riding her. She nuzzled the crook of her neck, and then, she started to whisper in Erin’s ear.

 

“Who knew Dr. Gilbert would like it so rough.” she teased. Erin groaned, bouncing harder, faster, taking everything she could get. Holtzmann used her thumb to rub hard, firm circles over her swollen clit. “You look so fucking hot, baby.” she nipped at the skin there, sucking it between her teeth. It would definitely leave a mark, but neither of them cared at that moment. (Erin would care later.)

 

“Keep talking.” Erin whispered as she brought a hand up to play with her nipple, pinching it roughly.

 

“You’re gonna look so fucking hot when you come around my fingers. I want you to say my name.” Erin was nearly there, and Holtz felt like a fucking rockstar. She pushed Holtz’s back to the mattress and fell forward with her, now on her hands and knees above her. Holtz used one hand to grab her hair and pull her head back, exposing her throat again for her to ravish as she fucked her tight pussy. Erin’s thighs were trembling.

 

“Are you gonna come for me, baby?” she growled, and Erin sobbed out a _“Yes!”_ as she gripped the sheets either side of Holtz. She cried out loudly as her body crashed through a toe-curling orgasm. Holtz watched in awe. She could feel she sheets move beneath her as Erin clawed at them. She could feel her knees slipping as she lost her balance in the moment. The muscles in her arms twitched as she struggled to hold herself up through the pleasure, and so Holtz wrapped an arm around her, allowing her to fall on top of her as the waves of pleasure finally subsided.

 

They were silent for a moment, only the sound of their heavy breathing between them. Holtz had an arm around Erin’s waist still, but she looked wide-eyed into the distance, still processing what had just happened between them. Erin’s head rested on Holtz’s chest, but she too was looking ahead with an open mouth, frantically trying to process.

 

“So… that was…” she didn’t want to say just how good it was, in case in her delerium, she had misinterpreted how good it was for Holtz. So instead she decided to ask about the other thing. “You like me?”

 

Holtz laughed, a bit nervously. “Isn’t that obvious?”

 

Erin stayed silent for a moment. It would change everything, if they pursued this. Their work, her plans of a husband and 2 kids. She had no idea if Holtz wanted any of that stuff, and she couldn’t just casually fuck her coworker.

 

Could she?

 

No. No.

 

“Do you want kids?” she blurted out before she could stop herself, and as soon as she realised what she said, she wanted to die.

 

“Um.” Holtz laughed. “Right now? Are you… Did you get me pregnant?” she teased. Erin slapped her arm.

 

“Stop.”

 

“You might have. Felt like you could have.” she carried on, and Erin blushed. Maybe she _was_ pretty good after all.

 

“I mean in the future. I mean… I know this is poorly timed, but I just think we should know what we each want from the future before we decide whether this should be pursued-- if you even _want_ to pursue it. You know, we can’t just be friends with benefits or whatever, because we work together, it would be unethical enough to have a _relationship--_ ” she blabbered on, sitting up and covering her chest with the blankets. Holtz watched as a world of worry settled back into Erin’s features, and thought that she preferred Erin when she was too aroused to care about anything else. But she went with it.

 

“I do want kids. Do you?” she could hardly believe she was having this conversation after sleeping with someone once, but she supposed she couldn’t expect anything less from Erin.

 

“Yes.” Erin seemed relieved.

 

“Anything else?” Erin thought for a moment.

 

“Not right now.” she sighed.

 

“Come here then.” she pulled Erin into her. “That was the most amazing sex I’ve ever had.” she sighed, remembering it all over again. Erin blushed and swelled with pride.

 

“It was, wasn’t it?”

 

~

 

Erin had never been very good at relationships of any kind. Even friendships were confusing and illogical at times. But after waking up with Jillian Holtzmann, after a night of such uncontained passion, after Holtzmann had blabbered that she really, really liked Erin (two _really_ ’s!) Erin knew she wanted to get good, fast.

 

The problem, of course, was her complete lack of experience with any kind of mutually satisfying romantic relationship.

 

She didn’t really know where to begin, but she did have a goal, and it was to ask Holtzmann to be her girlfriend.

 

Erin thought about learning some basic mechanics, designing and building a machine to declare her romantic interest. But it seemed a bit much.

 

She thought about asking her out on a date and doing it, but it was a bit too much like a proposal.

 

She looked over at Holtzmann who was working away on a new weapon. The radio blared next to her, Take My Breath Away crooning away.

 

The weapon was compact and she was working at an uncomfortable angle to get it perfect, her body elongated at the side, showing off a soft expanse of skin. Erin was practically swooning when Holtzmann looked up and caught her. She looked away quickly, looking for something to busy herself with as coolly as she could, but when she peered back to check if she had gotten away with it, Holtzmann was smirking, still watching her.

 

“What’s on your mind…” she swaggered over “ _baby._ ” Erin blushed a brilliant red and looked around urgently to see if anyone had heard.

 

“I should never have told you I liked that.” She whispered, sinking deeper into her chair and deeper into her blush. Holtzmann snorted. At that moment Patty walked in.

 

“How’s things with your lady friend these days, Holtzy?” No one had mentioned it since the bar a week ago.

 

“Great thanks. We did it last week.” She grinned devilishly. Patty expelled a dirty laugh. Erin’s eyes were like dinner plates.

 

“How was she?”

 

“Filthy.”

 

“Oh my- this is…” Erin stood suddenly, bright red. “This is hardly appropriate for the workplace.” She scuttled away, but she could feel Holtzmann’s eyes on her the whole time.

 

Nothing had really _happened_ between them since that night. Even the next morning, while they had woken up together, they hadn’t exactly been _romantic._

 

_“We’ve only got 15 minutes to get to work, I can’t believe we slept in!” she squealed, jumping out of bed, only to realise she was completely naked, and Holtz was looking at her with this sleepy, sexy smile._

 

The rest of that morning was spent quietly, but she had caught Holtz smiling to the distance once or twice. She wondered if she was thinking about the same thing she was. When she caught her and gave her a sly wink, she knew they were both thinking about it.

 

But they hadn’t _said_ anything about it, and that worried Erin, because the more she thought about it, the more she wanted it. The more she wanted it, the more she noticed couples everywhere, sharing quiet conversations over coffee, interlacing their fingers, even just reading books together, never speaking, just enjoying each others company.

 

Erin liked Holtzmann’s company.

 

She poured herself a cup of coffee, shaking herself out of it. She hadn’t had a real crush like this since she was a teenager, hopelessly in love with Johnny James at school. JJ, as his crew of rowdy boys called him, did not return her feelings.

 

“Hey,” Holtzmann was leaning in the doorway. She remembered being nearly naked with Holtzmann leaning in the doorway to her bedroom, her teeth sinking into her plump bottom lip, all worried and unsure. This time she didn’t look like that at all.

 

“Hey,” she replied, cradling her warm mug to her chest. Holtz took a few steps forward.

 

“So…” Erin’s heart was in her mouth. “We haven’t really talked about anything since... “ Holtz quirked a cheeky smile. “Well, you know.” Erin did know.

 

“I know.”

 

“I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight.” she said, looking a lot more cocky than she had when she dropped all those coffees the first time Erin kissed her.

 

“I think you should be my girlfriend.” Erin blurted out to Holtz’s surprise.

 

“If that’s what it takes to get a date out of you.” she shrugged, but her cheeks were rosy with excitement. Erin shook her head, mostly at herself. “Does that mean I get to kiss you whenever?” Holtz dared, taking another step closer.

 

“I guess so…” Erin said, feeling like she was 16 and waiting for a boy to kiss her for the first time all over again. Holtz kissed her softly, _not_ like when she was 16 and a boy kissed her for the first time. She played with Erin’s hair while she kissed her, and Erin _melted._

 

“So it’s a yes?”

 

“Obviously.” Holtz smiled against her lips, and Erin grinned back, pulling Holtz in again.

 

“What the fu-” Patty screamed.

 

“ _ERIN_ is the girl?” Abby also screamed.

 

“Erin is the _filthy_ girl!?” Patty bellowed.

 

“So filthy, you guys, you have literally no idea. It’s just… it’s disgraceful. Probably a porn addiction or something.” Holtz sighed with a shrug, before vacating their little kitchen, leaving Erin red-faced with a lot of explaining to do. Holtzmann would absolutely pay for that, and she knew it, but she also didn’t care. She had a super smart, gorgeous ghost-hunting girlfriend, who actually was pretty naughty in bed, so really, things were pretty great for her.

 


End file.
